Saturday, 13 July 2013

Sosoetry: Craigy

Craig came and did a guest stint at the shop a decade ago. He left us in awe for a few reasons. 

Hyper talented and really fast. He did both of Andrews shins, one in about ten hours, the other in seven, and they are phenomenal. His grasp of colour is second to none. 

He was also Rick on Degrassi Junior High when he was a kid for two years. He had a publicity photo from the series right at the back of his portfolio, and after being floored by the calibre of his work, women, upon seeing that photo, would all squeal that they remembered him and thought he was so cute. Not sure if it was his artistic ability, proximity to once upon a time TV stardom, or disarming charm, (he’s this tiny little guy, claims he’s 5 feet and 2 inches, but I think he exaggerated that by a few inches), he had a way with women that was breathtaking to behold. He regaled us with stories about his exploits that just boggled our mind. 

All that, a tendency to not filter anything he said, tales of all kinds of crazy shenanigans, and mismanagement of his affairs, invariably had us shaking our head. 

I doubt you’re even five two
but I know you do a fine tattoo
your knuckles
made me chuckle
C3P0 & R2D2
it seems the force is with you
you’re a tiny little troll
your sex life is on a roll
you seem to have it made
women say “wanna get laid”
when they learn you were on DeGrassi
they drop all pretenses of being classy
finding out you were “Rick”
they offer to suck your dick
while you drive they give you head
“mind if my sister joins us in bed”
but you got your sperm into an egg
oh gawd here comes another Craig
you work at shops in Los Angeles
partying with the Hells Angels
you associate with that gang
your life may end with a bang
they’re no honourable band of brothers
caring only about themselves and no others
you did some fine work on my friend Andy
it’s a shame you love the nose candy
buying the notion of ma vida loca
including satan’s agent coca
you’ll gladly do lines of coke
but won’t touch home grown smoke
willingly get fall down drunk
but won’t have a puff of skunk
if you spend time smoking that evil rock
tabloids will cry “another child star run amok”
your life is like a crazy TV show
hitting all sorts of highs and lows
you’ll get into all sorts of trouble
that’ll eventually burst your bubble
your life is a tale of financial woe
heaven only knows how much you owe
how could they repossess your car
don’t they know you were a child star
you may be a talented elf
but please look after yourself

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