Schmidt Sting Pain Index

The Schmidt Sting Pain Index is a scale rating the relative pain caused by different Hymenopteran (one of the largest orders of insects, comprising the sawflies, wasps, bees and ants) stings. It is mainly the work of Justin O. Schmidt, an entomologist at the Carl Hayden Bee Research Center. Schmidt claims he’s been stung by the majority of stinging Hymenoptera, and has published a number of papers on the subject.

His index starts starts from 0 for stings that are completely ineffective against humans, progressing through 2, a familiar pain such as a common bee or wasp sting, and finishing at 4 for the most painful stings. He classifies the stings of 78 species and 41 genera of Hymenoptera.

Now, having been stung multiple times on multiple occasions by swarms of hornets (god, how I loathe those little fuckers) I really shouldn’t laugh, but reading this had me howling. He’s obviously got years of scientific training, and seemingly a masochistic streak if he’s willing to be stung by every single stinging beast out there, but clearly he’s also got a sense of humour.

• 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
• 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet and reaching for the light switch.
• 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
• 2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
• 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
• 2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
• 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
• 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic and burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
• 4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
• 4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.