I was bored and wrote a poem about my friends having a baby. I must have been really bored.
Yolanda wanted to be a mother
for Andrew there could be no other
no ifs, buts or maybe
they wanted to have a baby
after a night of boffing
a child was in the offing
Andy found Yoly yummy
hence the swollen tummy
what started as a tiny cell
began to develop and swell
her belly kept on growing
and her skin started glowing
her organs were pushed aside
the discomfort tough to abide
she loved this little jewel
but it kicked like a mule
then came the blessed day
a sunny afternoon in May
her water broke
the couch got a soak
no time to warn the neighbours
she was going into labour
not even propped up on a cushion
barely need for any pushin’
it happened real fast
like a cannon blast
all of a sudden - floop
out it came in one fell swoop
like a runaway train
that kid had birth on the brain
out came some red hair
a skull that was still rubbery
a mighty gasp for air
skin that was all blubbery
strike up the house band
here’s Tristan Anand
it’ll whimper cry and yell
life’ll be a bleary eyed hell
filling all its diapers
they’ll be full time stinky bum wipers
Yolanda’s boobs’ll grow huge
but it’ll drink up all the deluge
this new creation they’ll mollycoddle
always giving it a fresh bottle
I know they’ll perform their duty
of raising their new born cuty
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