Sosoetry – Miss Hissy Fit Kitty

My friends had a cat that for a really long time absolutely hated me. No rhyme or reason as to why. This was kind of distressing to me, since I really like cats (and dogs and other critters) She had nothing to fear from me, and I never once gave her a reason to dislike me. But, illogically, she kept hissing at me, and taking the odd swipe at me if I tried to pet her. Sometimes she would be okay with me touching her and purr for a few minutes as I petted her. Then it would dawn on her that it was me, her mortal enemy, and she would freak out. *sigh* It took years and years, but towards the end of her life, I guess something started to work in that strange little brain of hers, and she mellowed out. Maybe a near decade of me not hurting her at all, was the proof she needed that I really was a nice guy. She would come and rub against me and sit in front of me and let herself be petted, and actually sit and tap me on the arm if I ignored her. Messed up cat, but I’m glad she made peace with me in the end.

The bits in quotation marks are meant to be read in kind of a slinky seductress voice, and the bits below it in kind of a “dipstick who is completely befuddled by the illogical vagaries of women” voice. (which, let’s be honest, pretty much describes most males on the planet.)

Kali the Krazy Killer Kitty
“Oh yeah baby, smother me in kisses”
then I’m rewarded with a chorus of hisses 

“oh yeah baby, you treat me right”
then suddenly you jump with fright 

“oh yeah baby, I like the way you rub me”
then you show your ass and snub me 

“oh yeah baby, pet me right there”
then react like a demon from a nightmare 

“oh yeah baby, you know just how to love me”
then all other times you rebuff me 

“oh yeah baby, I’m a loveable girlie”
then how come you’re always so surly 

“oh yeah baby, rowwrrr, make me purr”
then you respond like a snake with fur 

“oh really baby, I’m an adorable kitten”
no, you’re satanic and venom spittin’ 

“oh come on baby, give it another try”
why, you’ll just give me the evil eye 

“oh honest baby, I mean you no harm”
sure, you’ll just slash at my arm 

“oh please baby, I just need to be cuddled”
nah go away, your brain is all muddled